Letting Go: Relinquishing Control and Putting Your Trust in Your Gestational Surrogate

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If you’ve battled infertility or explored adoption, you know what it’s like to be unable to control an important outcome. Trusting another woman who starts out as a stranger to carry your child is challenging. While surrogacy is truly a blessing, it is one more aspect of building your family than you must be unavoidably hands-off regarding.

Knowing your baby is being carried by a gestational surrogate can be a mixed bag emotionally. You’re grateful that she is able to take on this aspect of your wondrous journey, but you may also resent that she is the one experiencing pregnancy firsthand. From the misery of morning sickness to the delight of those first surprise kicks, you are on the outside looking in.

Here are a few tips to make it easier for both of you:

Take your time in choosing your surrogate. Pick someone who is warm, welcomes your questions and can answer them in a way that reassures you. Don’t expect the surrogate to be your twin, but you should agree on major issues.

Ask about her health—don’t monitor it. It takes a strong, independent woman to act as a surrogate. Be confident that she will make smart decisions when it comes to her pregnancy. Agree that she will keep you abreast of any conditions that are of concern, but don’t attempt to micromanage her.

Set up a schedule of regular check-ins. If you know your surrogate will update you via email or text every Sunday, you may be able to refrain from contacting her on Friday. Create an arrangement that works for you and the surrogate. In some partnerships, that could mean starting every day with a “good morning, how are you?” text, while in others, the participants may be more comfortable with contact only at specific milestones.

Spell out the important stuff. Genuine, reasonable concerns should be addressed in the contract. Signing off on an agreement that the surrogate is not to drink alcohol during her pregnancy is fine. Sending her every new “pregnancy don’ts” article you find on the internet is not.

The best way to relax and enjoy the surrogacy journey is to work with a surrogacy agency you can trust with the future of your family. A reputable, caring agency will ensure that the gestational surrogate is healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. They will act as a go-between to address any questions or concerns throughout the duration of your partnership.

Surrogate Solutions works closely with intended parents every step of the way, from the initial first contact through the birth of your new baby. If you are looking to connect with a caring team of surrogacy specialists, contact Surrogate Solutions today!

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