Remember how nervous you were during your first pregnancy? How many questions you had and how many unknowns there were? Imagine having all those feelings of uncertainty and knowing you’re putting the pregnancy and birth of your baby in the hands of someone else. So, you can just imagine what it must be like for intended parents who must put their trust in you, a stranger, with the most important facet of their lives.
Do your best to stay patient and push your way through the awkwardness. You’re just beginning your surrogacy journey, so getting through these questions on a positive note will set the tone for your relationship in the months to come.
Here are six questions intended parents commonly ask:
Be honest about your decision. The intended parents want to get an idea of what sort of person you are. They are looking to see that you are warm and caring and devoted to nurturing a successful pregnancy.
What have your pregnancies been like?
You may be asked some specific medical questions. Your history and exam will give the intended parents a good overview of your overall health, but they may want you to clarify specific issues.
They ask this question mostly to find out how you typically feel during a pregnancy. Have you sailed through with hardly any symptoms or did you have a lot of morning sickness, fatigue or cravings? This might not seem important to you, but the IPs want to know what you’ll be going through.
Do you have a good support system?
IPs want to be assured your significant other will pick up the slack if you’re not feeling well. They’ll want to know your other children will be cared for and you’re not stressed by friends, family or co-workers who are not accepting of your decision to become a surrogate.
How do you feel about terminating a pregnancy?
In surrogacy, selective reduction may be an option. Or there may be complications or defects identified in utero in which termination of the pregnancy may be considered. If you are unwilling to terminate under any circumstances or if the IPs are opposed, it’s best to know up front you are on the same page. You should also agree on how many embryos are to be implanted.
Are you comfortable with us attending doctor’s appointments and the delivery?
Since you’ve already been through pregnancy and delivery, you know that modesty goes out the window for the most part. But it might be different in the case of the intended parents, especially the intended father. It’s helpful to discuss this ahead of time so that everyone has the same expectations.
How would you like to communicate?
Some intended parents would love to get daily texts and weekly pictures of your developing baby bump, others will be happy with less frequent communication. It’s important to set expectations up front so that neither party feels neglected or like they are being nagged. Discuss whether you expect to be in touch after the birth, and if so, how regularly. For some surrogates and IPs, this is the beginning of a lifelong relationship, others part amicably at birth or soon after.