After carrying a baby through three trimesters and then giving birth, many surrogates find themselves facing a “now what?” feeling. This feeling is especially common among first-time surrogates and is important for both surrogates and IPs to understand when they decide to enter this journey together. Feeling the after-baby blues does not mean the surrogate is not happy for the amazing gift she has given the IPs or that she regrets her decision; it simply means a long journey has come to an end and it is normal and healthy to mourn the closing of this very special chapter in her life.
When a woman makes the decision to become a surrogate, she is at the very least dedicating the better part of a year to helping someone else become a parent. On top of the normal hormonal fluctuations that occur after delivery, surrogates are faced with a unique set of emotions. Many surrogates report feelings of elation at one moment, then feeling completely devastated shortly after because their role has been fulfilled and their part is done. Although many people assume post-delivery blues are due to missing the baby, surrogates often report missing the surrogacy itself, the IPs they’ve spent so much time with over the past year, and even the specialness of being pregnant.
When choosing to become a surrogate, it is important to understand that when the time comes, you will neither be the first nor last surrogate to feel sadness or a sense of mourning when you say goodbye to your IPs, leave the hospital, or are home recuperating. To make this transition from surrogate back to your normal day-to-day routine, consider the following:
- Discuss your after-delivery wishes with your IPs. Many surrogates and IPs become very close over the course of this special journey they embark on together. While a large number of these surrogates and IPs remain friends or keep close contact after the baby is born, not all surrogates or IPs are comfortable with this arrangement. It is important to discuss this with your IPs before the baby is born, not only to ensure everyone is on the same page, but also to prepare for what comes next ahead of time.
- Communicate and be open with your support network. Some surrogates feel the need to hide their post-surrogacy sadness from loved ones due to the stigma of others assuming it means she regrets her decision. Speak openly with your support system to help you get through this transitional period. Don’t be afraid to lean on your spouse, family and friends, and tell them exactly why you are experiencing these feelings so you can get through it together and move on to the next chapter of your life.
Surrogates give their hearts, bodies, and souls to helping make another’s dream come true. This is a huge emotional journey and it’s only natural to feel a sense of loss once this journey is over and need some closure. Open communication with both your IPs and support system are the best medicine for curing (or in some instances, preventing) the post-surrogacy blues. If you are interested in speaking with someone candidly regarding surrogacy and your options, please contact the experts at Surrogate Solutions today!