Should You Consider a Family Member for Your Surrogate?


Although many factors need to be considered when choosing who will be “the one” to carry your baby, the decision will ultimately come down to what feels right for you. Many Intended Parents begin their journeys as strangers with their Surrogates, while others feel more comfortable having a family member carry their child. Neither option is right nor wrong, however, there are certain aspects you will need to be mindful of when considering having a family member be your Surrogate.

  • The contract. Even though you’ve known your Surrogate for years, or possibly your entire life, the contract is still extremely important. Will you be compensating your family member the same way you would another Surrogate match? Make sure these terms are drawn up in your contract. You may want to also consider including who will pay for prescriptions, co-pay fees, money for lost wages, or even helping pay for babysitting or housecleaning while your Surrogate is on bed rest. You can always do more than you write in the contract, but include at least the minimum you’re willing to cover.
  • Open communication. Honest and direct communication is the key for everything, but full disclosure is just as important, if not even more important, when turning to a relative to be your Surrogate. Make sure she knows everything there is to know about the Surrogacy process so she is emotionally prepared to handle whatever may come. You’ll also want to have an open discussion regarding how long you both are comfortable with trying to get pregnant, how many embryos she is comfortable having transferred, and how you both feel about the possibility of a multiple pregnancy.
  • State laws. Surrogacy laws still vary from state to state, so it is imperative that you and your Surrogate both understand them thoroughly. Many states have strong laws in place to protect the Intended Parents, but not every state has these laws. Because legalese can be difficult, you may want to consider hiring a surrogate attorney to ensure everyone is on the same page and understands what is or isn’t protected by your state.
  • Family conflict. Neither of you may want to think about it, but you will need to consider how conflict could impact your family’s relationship as well as how you plan to handle it if the situation should arise. Since you will both be embarking on a monumental journey together, it is important to understand that your dynamic may change. You may want to consider talking with an experienced counselor together before beginning your surrogacy journey.

Despite your relationship, it is best to approach Surrogacy with a family member the same way you would with a Surrogate who is a stranger. Going through all the same steps will help promote a successful pregnancy as well as protect your families and the baby. If you are looking for further information on beginning the Surrogacy process, do not hesitate to contact Surrogate Solutions today!

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