What to Expect When Matching With IPs Doesn’t Go as Planned

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Matching with Intended Parents is an exciting and emotional time. As a surrogate, you have probably been eager to begin your journey since the day you decided to help create families. But it’s important to be patient and guard your feelings. There are so many little ways that things can get off track, most of which you could not have foreseen or prevented. Here are a few scenarios to consider:

Good on Paper

Sometimes IPs can do their research, study your profile and consult with the surrogacy agency and it appears that everything will be great. But when you have that first in-person, Skype or phone meeting – there’s just no chemistry. It seems like you and the IPs would be perfect partners, but you need to be 100% comfortable with each other. What you are doing – carrying their child – is just too important to trust to anyone you don’t have complete confidence in. And you will spend so much time interacting over the next year or more it has to be a perfect match.

When this happens, your best bet is to just move on emotionally and wait for the next match, but it’s not easy. Ask the agency coordinator who attended the meeting to ask if there is anything you can do better the next time. Maybe you came off as too nervous or unfriendly. Like dating or job interviews, there are intangibles you can’t do anything about, but it’s great to get feedback to improve your chance of matching next time around.

Outside Influences

Even if you and the IPs are a perfect match, things can go wrong. IPs can get cold feet. They can lose a job or need to move. Any number of personal issues can arise to prevent the surrogacy from going forward.

No matter how much you like the couple, your best bet is not to wait until they are ready to try again. Your agency may not even allow it. Be patient and open to the next IPs your agency presents. Don’t compare them to the previous family. You may even find these Intended Parents to be a better match. You will have more confidence this time around, know the right questions to ask and will likely build an even stronger bond.

Work with your Agency

Don’t be afraid to reach out to your agency for support. Good surrogates are in short supply and they will do what it takes to make you happy and address any issues. At Surrogate Solutions we guide surrogates and intended parents through the entire gestational surrogacy process. If you have concerns or questions, no matter how silly or small they may seem, we want to help.

Our goal is to take all the stress off of the intended parents and surrogate and make this a memorable experience for all involved. If you would like to talk to one of us about how we match intended parents and surrogates, contact Surrogate Solutions today!

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