Once you have decided to create your family with a surrogate, it’s challenging to know how to proceed. Chances are, you don’t have family or friends who have been through the process and can walk you through it. It’s up to you, the surrogate and your agency to get through it all together.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
Overstepping boundaries. Since you are depending on the surrogate to carry your future child, it’s natural to want to know everything you can about her and her family. Try to confine your questions to her physical and mental health and the reliability of her support system. Your agency can help you to determine which questions are appropriate and which are not.
Not getting everything on paper. Contracts can seem cold and impersonal, but a solid, enforceable legal contract is critical to a productive surrogacy partnership. When all the details and expectations have been hammered out up front, it’s possible for all participants to relax and enjoy the journey. Don’t leave anything to chance. If you have doubts or questions, discuss the particulars of the contract with your attorney or the surrogacy agency.
Attempting to micromanage the pregnancy. If the surrogate has had successful pregnancies and healthy children, at some point you will have to trust her to do the best for your baby. While you are within your rights to expect that she abstain from drinking, smoking and other risky behaviors, you can’t control whether she eats the occasional cheeseburger or listens to heavy metal instead of Mozart.
Not agreeing on a communication plan. Does the surrogate want to have a weekly call? Will she text you the first time the baby kicks? Invite you to her doctor’s appointments? Intended parents and surrogates each have their own expectations of how much communication is ideal, but you’ll never know unless you discuss it. Figure it out before one of you resents the other for under or over communicating.
Not handling the unexpected well. No two pregnancies are the same. Surprises happen. The surrogate needs to go on bed rest. An ultrasound is rescheduled so you have to juggle your travel plans. She goes into labor early. There are a host of variables that can’t all be predicted. Be ready to deal with what comes and you’ll save yourself a lot of stress.
To learn more about what to expect from the surrogacy journey, contact the gestational surrogacy experts at Surrogate Solutions. Our staff will be with your every step of the way and can help the process go smoothly for you and your family. We look forward to hearing from you!